Tag Archives: Art

Vermillion Aura in the Garden

Vermillion Aura in the Garden, Watercolor on Arches oil paper, $450
Vermillion Aura in the Garden, Watercolor on Arches oil paper, $450

It was an AMAZING night at the Studio; and while I hardly slept last night, it was entirely worth it to me. Having a beautiful environment in which to work with the inspiration from my heart — where the Blessed Mother and her precious Child fill me with inspiration and leave me feeling as though my art matters at the end of the day.

My first painting involved gathering up and adding faces to the “dry enough” small works that I painted last week. They were fun, all oil, painted on canvas board. My collection of small Madonna Paintings is growing (smile).

Warmed up on the faces, I was ready and excited to try a new cold press 300 pound paper by Arches made for oil painting — and it was wonderful to sit at my desk to paint, rather than sit at the easel. I painted “Vermillion Aura in the Garden” (my favorite), as well as a “Grey Mood” (an odd mother/child).

I’ll be back at it tonight but will concentrate on more involved watercolor than the quick sketches I’ve done in that medium.

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Close-up of “Vermillion Aura in the Garden”

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“Gray Day” by Jane Dever, Oil on Arches 300# oil paper, $200
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“Vintage”, Oil on Arches 300# oil paper, 8″ x 6″, $200
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“Green Jammies” by Jane Dever, Oil on canvas board, 8″ x 6″, $200

 

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“Pale Madonna” by Jane Dever, watercolor on Canson paper, $200

 

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“Purple Light Forgiveness” by Jane Dever, watercolor on Arches 120# paper, $125

 

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“Sunlight” by Jane Dever, watercolor, $200

 

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I’ll close with my favorite for today:  “Vermillion Aura in the Garden”20140312-143817.jpg

2.26.14 Green Eyelet Madonna

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I painted this today, after 21 days of being away from the studio.  My mother fell sick with a BAD stomach virus, later complicated by an infection, then hospitalization.  I caught it a few days after the doctors had admitted her.  The recovery time was lengthy, so we are well again but still tired, believe it or not.  I hope there isn’t a Phase II to the ordeal — but trying to be positive!

I had laid the foundation for this painting on the 6th of February (or thereabouts) with a simple outlined mama and child in green, yellow and white — wearing a fun outfit, well suited for SUMMER!  The timing of this painting is perfect, since my mind has wandered South a lot this month — to warmth, my children and the thought of a job there if one arose. Warm tootsies, warm hands, warm hearts!

The cold season is wearing thin on Rhode Islanders, right about now, with temperatures in the teens all week and leaving me ready for SUN and SUMMER.  This Madonna is wearing my favorite summer skirt — one that I actually have in my closet! Crisp cotton, white and Kelly green eyelet, gathered at the waist, a tad to short to be considered appropriate for my age group, it screams FUN (even though she looks as tired as I have been feeling).  It makes perfect sense for today and the baby is just a love.

Son Pete with Anahata in her flower hat
Pete and Anahata in flower hat
Adelaide Mary Dever with bangs
Adelaide Mary Dever with new bangs

Speaking of total loves, I am praying that I’ll see my daughter, my son,  my grandbaby and her mama next week.  I hope to drive down to NC to love ALL of them with REAL hugs, not the across-the-miles hugs!  Last week, my son was hospitalized out of state for inhaling the smoke of burning pressure-treated lumber (he didn’t burn it; someone else did) and he should be back by next week!  PRAYER is needed for his health and a new job for him, if you are so inclined to pray.  Addy has a lot of change in the air, too, including new bangs this week — like this Madonna’s!  My daughter is a beautiful present-day Madonna with great adventures ahead and dreams of living in foreign lands… often the old-soul Child over the years, when I was most fickle. I want to touch base there to see them in LIVING COLOR…  cannot wait…  I’m tentatively thinking that when the snow stops here on Tuesday or Wednesday, I’ll hit the road.

"Happy 26th" (a Mother praying over the Child)

[E. T. Phone Home…] 

It isn’t easy for the 20-30ish year olds today.  They have a lot of pressure in an uncertain world! It gets harder and harder to find work and it isn’t easy to make a living; seems harder than the old days, anyway.  I support their dreams and try not to interfere BUT I worry more than they know — trusting in GOD but still worrying!

To find work for myself,  I’ve resorted to creative marketing. I actually created a website, www.hirejaneanndever.wordpress.com with my first post called “See Jane Work… With your help”.   On it, I included a link to my plain old resume (PDF) and  video resume (below/click on photo):

My Video Resume
My VIDEO RESUME
[CLICK ON THIS PHOTO]
I figure that hitting them with visuals might help — and it will SHOW them that I actually know how to design attractive marketing sites and presentations!

MORE on ESCAPING reality: and speaking of taking to the road, I saw a VW Van today and wished for one… and I watched an RV show for a bit tonight and I honestly may like to retire in one of those… I’d park it at South Shore Beach by summer and in NC in Spring and Fall and somewhere else in winter.  Sounds great to me, anyway…  With grandbabies sleeping over at Nana’s RV.  I’d move it four times per year, painting all the while (of course)!

I’ve thought of designing and building a moveable solar cabin on a flatbed (a friend of mine in NC lived in one and it was really cool and “rough”!) or having an RV at some point.  I have (thankfully) scaled life down to very little “stuff” — my best way to exist, I think — so I’m “portable”.  Of course, God only knows the future; and beyond my drive to NC soon, I have no idea what it holds for me.

South Shore Beach at the end of the day
South Shore Beach at the end of the day

2.7.14 – Green Shoes Madonna (with Image this time!)

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2.7.14 Green Shoes Madonna, Watercolor on acid-free paper, 11″ x 14″, $150

I created this on a busy day, on the fly (not ideal), in between taking down one show, hanging another and scurrying around town buying wine and cheese for the opening that week. Green Shoes is the title in the end, because they are the most prominent part of the painting/sketch — and she has connected ankles, the poor darling (as unforgiving as the medium I was using at the time).”

The openings were a success, with lots of attendees, lots of conversation and other art to inspire onlookers! Photos will be on my next post!

Day 26 – “Flip Side Orange Aura” on back of “Silver Light Fantastic” & framing today

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Day 26 – “Flip Side Orange Aura”

I started this painting at the Gallery last year and just added final touches today… Unfortunately, I painted “Silver Light Fantastic” on the back of it impulsively. Now looking at this Orange Aura more closely, I am torn between the two and may have to frame it so that they are seen from both sides and can be switched back and forth — somehow.

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These are both great candidates for Gicle prints, too, so you will see more of both, with possible paintings on top of the prints to enhance the prints. Whoever buys one will get both, TWO GEMS. I’m in the painting ZONE on Day 26, grabbing boards and painting, paper, canvas, you name it; a bit crazy at times, too, with (even) TWO-sided pieces to show for it!

All in all, it was a busy and fun day. It started with a cold shower (new hot water heater arrives tomorrow), church in Providence where I bought two homemade empanadas after church (yum; they sell them in the corridor after Mass), then had a coffee at CAV while I waited for Jerry’s Artarama to open next door (a very pretty setting for a $2 cup of coffee!) Lowes Hardware was next, where i found a very patient clerk to cut all different sizes from the 4 foot slats that i selected for a new hanging system project. From there I headed back to the Studio to add final touches to today’s painting, I matted and framed, “Summer Rose Madonna”, then jumped into my project.

With the help of the cut plywood slats and Gorilla Glue, I attached spacers to the backs of my Masonite pieces, an alternative to framing. Applying spacers this way, holds the unframed boards away from the wall by 5/8″ with a great overall effect! My friend John Irwin, (a painter, whom I featured at the old Alta Luna Gallery over the summer) used this technique well; and I decided to try it. Unfettered by framing, this simple hanging style adds impact without drawing attention away from the image. All total, I readied about ten new pieces today, leaving time for dinner at my brother’s house (we had a blast).

The cold shower and early start allowed me time to worship, time to work at the studio; and I had nice balance in my day, without frantic rushing to do it all

EVENT: I’d like to invite all of you to attend my next art show opening on February 7, 2014, at the First Unitarian Church on Benefit Street in Providence from 5pm to 7pm. I will be one of three featured artists! Thanks to Elizabeth O’Connell, a talented water colorist, I was invited to be part of this exhibit in February. I’ll also have three pieces at the RI State House long term loan Exhibit soon (yay)… As well as a small exhibit at Sage Cafe in Riverside (5 or 6 pieces)…

I hope you love this new painting, and the photo of my nephew holding one of my old tiles, Rasta Mama 2. He is the youngest of my parents grandchildren, so I feel old as he turns 24 tomorrow. This tired Auntie Jane is ready to sleep now at 10:46 pm! Goodnight.
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Day 25 – Puppy Love – watercolor

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Leaving things alone is a lesson that is hard for me to remember! This painting was a disappointment, in that I loved the sketch I used as the base. The drawing was better and is now buried by this “Puppy Love” watercolor on paper $100 unframed.

Then I painted up a storm of others, shown here…

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This assortment of watercolor work is $100 each, all unframed — although a couple were done on the reverse sides of others, so those will be $125 each (these last two, for example; to flip back and forth). I was on a roll and didn’t notice!

Day 24 – “Old Photos” 1.24.14

In the midst of chaos, comes this beautiful mother — drawn with Graphite on paper. She reminds me of one of my Boston Artist friends, actually; funny when that happens.

1.23.14 started on a great note, with my friend having a successful surgery with an invitation to attend a show at 2nd Story Theater to look forward to at the end of the day…

An accident — burst pipes above us — made the end of the day unfortunate, with plans cancelled and a litany of strangers walking through our home. The flood damage drenched everything in the storage closet. It could have been FAR worse, as the flooding was limited to that one room; but the work it caused is upsetting… police and firemen with dirty boots on moms white carpets, a set of silk drapes drenched, my cherry chest of drawers drenched, and ALL of my photo albums are soaked through — the worst part. I spread them all out to dry, with more to lay out…

The look on the face of this Madonna is probably telling, as the photos I laid out (to dry) were my day ended with reminders of
Life I had years ago when my children were young.

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Day 19 – five watercolors and the Pats lose

Day 19 a Lady in Blue by Jane Dever, watercolor, 8" x 6", $150
Day 19 – Lady in Blue by Jane Dever, watercolor, 8″ x 6″, $140 unframed
SOLD to Joan Janek

What a great day it was, except that I didn’t get to mass at my parish today.  The day ended with five water colors,

Still physically exhausted, still not recovered from the all nighter (painting) on Friday/Saturday. I lounged until eleven, shopped for groceries, had a cup of great coffee at Angelina’s, packed a paint-at-home kit at the Studio so I could watch the Patriots play Denver, prepared our dinner in advance, then settled onto the couch to try my hand at water colors while watching my team get pummeled on the field. Thank God I painted, because I’d otherwise be very upset.

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Red Buoy, watercolor, 8″ x 6″, $125
Tunnel vision by Jane Dever, watercolor on 140 lb paper, 8" x 4", $100
Tunnel vision by Jane Dever, watercolor on 140 lb paper, 8″ x 4″, $100
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Spiritual Path by Jane Dever, watercolor, 8″ x 6″ $125
Day 19 a Upset in the Garden, watercolor, 8" x 6", $150
Day 19 a Upset in the Garden, watercolor, 8″ x 6″, $100

I was going to paint in oils and paint myself into one, as I posed and took “selfies” this morning after seeing myself with my towel — I had the Madonna veil drape going on with my waffle patterned oversized bath towel positioned perfectly over my wet hair. Of course I took photos to go by, if and when I want to paint realistic Madonnas… Or for a mixed media project (Painting over my photos… Or painting and collage). Relating to the holy Mother is what this is about, in a sort of “I honor the god in you and you honor the god in me” way; so one will be a self-portrait soon.

I was irritated this week, after getting harassed for being Roman Catholic by a family member who suggested that it was contrary to pro women attitudes to practice a faith that used Mary as a the poster child for its abuse and disregard for women in a patriarchal hierarchy. While I understand where all that may come from, AND after personally leaving the church for a variety of reasons myself (for years), including the bad judgement of then hierarchy during the Mussolini era and the “conversion” and mistreatment of the Jews (my family). It isn’t that I have been blind — Added to all of that, I’ve also blamed the Church for guilt complexes of mine and others’ (family genetics is responsible on this point, though). I loved it on a purely personal level at age 11 on, my first exposure to it (being raised at the First Congregational Church in Bristol. I was treated so well by the nuns at St. Philomena School, my first exposure (other than my grandmother) . I also loved Mary enough from the get go, that I got ejected from the protestant church my folks attended, after asking the pastor over and over (in front of the others) if he/his church had a problem with women for constantly breezing over Mary.

Later, much later, after college, I found out that my father’s side was Jewish — my grandmother Nunes was a Schumann at birth — ridiculous that nobody knew. Dramatic, she handed the Star of David to my aunt from her deathbed, apparently, after holding it clenched in her hand. I thought at that time, “No wonder I’d been invited to Hillel so many times; it makes sense now.   Mary and Jesus were Jews. I love Jews. And Catholics. And Hindus. And All people. I love God. And I think there’s only one.

I am not and have never been the ideal “church lady” because of my wild streak and my rebellious side;  but if im a good church member, the church will be stronger!  I love the confession — just like the fifth step in detox programs — doing life with a clean slate makes life new again. RE-creation, embracing change, forgiving and allowing people to change is part of life.  So, its the same with a church, made up of people — letting go of past to move forward. I do, for whatever reason, feel comfortable in the Catholic mass, as it is what I converted to at 20, after a nine-year love affair with the church. I fell away later on, after my divorce; and now, after a period of reflection and an annulment my ex ordered, I started going again.

I  also developed a serious affinity with Mary when I started painting Madonnas for no apparent reason… I honestly thought about going to Temple and may at some point, to explore that side of who I am, as I feel a draw to Judaism, too. Is that messed up? No, I don’t think so. I would make a great Jew, just as I think I make a great (eyes wide open’ and trying to be an exception to the rule). Is my current church bad? Not bad.  Has it been? YES, the sex scandals involving children, political corruption, etc. — yes, that sucks! But if I am a member and forgive The art, so we can work toward a healthier future in the church, so be it. The new pope seems better. I have an aunt who is a deacon at her Protestant Church AND is a trustee at the synagogue, so maybe that’s where I’m headed, too. It will be all good, if that happens.

These are the paintings today, in order… I tried watercolor and LOVED it! I seemed to be in a “flow”, although the images are too pale and the body parts are not scaled proportionately today… YOUNG moms and big-headed babies…

Please hit the follow button below, as I have only ten followers and many likes on FB. I share on Facebook — and if you share each post with your friends, that would help, too. I need as many followers as possible, in order to get the funding site to take on my project. Finishing the movie for that tomorrow (hopefully). It takes a long time to plan a project like this. Goodnight.

Day 15 – “Unfinished Business”

DAY 15 - "Unfinished Business" Acrylic on Masonite Board, $325(Actually looks as good hung upside down)
DAY 15 – “Unfinished Business” Acrylic on Masonite Board, $325(Actually looks as good hung upside down)

A landscape by Jane Dever, acrylic on Masonite board, unframed $200

Funny how my day went — full and productive — but Madonna-less. The dog got me up very early, followed by crossword/coffee/rye toast with Mom, a mammogram (better than the torturous boob-pressing torture of the past), a meeting at the East Bay Chamber of Commerce (I sell memberships, in case you want to join – call me), and writing at the Coffee Depot with lots of friendly interruptions (mostly on my part, saying hello to people I rarely see).

The calendar included Dinner and a lecture at 5 pm in Newport (on my friend; a nice thank you dinner) so — SO once again, I left too little time to add Mary to this painting. I love it, really, and it is (maybe) a God thing that I kept it Madonna-less (either I would have made a mess of it or I’m letting myself off easy).

She really is in all of my paintings — anyway; and now I’m going to share why I say that… On the night of my very first opening of the “Madonna Nights” Exhibit, it became clear to me that she was always part of them. That exhibit included over 30 paintings of which SO MANY sold the first night that it felt like a miracle — a total affirmation of my dedication to my dreams and dedication to painting. I had quit my day job to reduce stress and to get back to basics (art/prayer/meditation). Getting to the point (bear with my meandering): I had included one or two Madonna-less paintings in that show, landscapes; and one of them sold to a lady who told me that she had (finally, after scrutinizing it) found the Madonna in it. She showed me where she saw her (in the clouds I think); and sure enough, I saw it, too (though not intentional). See, my Sacred Mother really is in all of my paintings — and that makes me happy. It also a miracle, as I am not perfect in any manner.

Thoughts about this “Back to Business” painting: I have always associated ice with harshness, lifelessness, frigidity — universal stuff. Warming up is a positive for me, and I think I’m warm, mostly (sometimes too warm, occasionally hot tempered, in hot water with the ease of a sharp tongue, and a propensity for lustiness — at least prior to my “crone” status (not a kind word). There is definitely a negative end there, too. Gotta watch that!

The colors and temperatures of life are so often captured in art. I like the contrast of the ice and the warmth in the tree line, with that one white speck in the sky, enticing us to seek it out. The perspective of the scene leaves us with so much cold to pass over before getting to that tree-line and a warmer place, darkness and uncertainty. That star seems so distant, almost impossible to get to… It is a simple yet striking scene.

The lecture (back to my day) covered near-death experiences and meditation, given by a Dr. Allen from Saunderstown. We were late getting there, after (aptly named) Wednesday Menu Madness at the Atlantic Beach Club (everything but lobster is $15 per plate); but it was still worth the mad dash across Newport to the Middletown Library.

Dr. Allen cited patient accounts of light,immeasurable love, warmth, (I love the word rapture, so I’ll use it) rapture, and messages to the living from passed loved ones. Some of the patients were children who “came to” with spot-on messages from relatives who had passed over before their births. He ended the lecture with a 5 minute meditation.

My two cents about Meditation: in a perfect world, with 36 hour days — or 40 with my time-management issues — I’d write/record a meditation about each I painting, in addition to my blog. I sort of have a good audio voice when I don’t have my sleepy lisp.]

Visualization is a form of meditation that really helps folks with post-traumatic stress disorder and i have experience with bot. When I first moved back to New England from NC, I worked at a detox in Fall River, as a Milieu Therapist. They hired me because I could help them paint through their traumas; but meditation was something I did daily, so the task of leading them in meditation was a perfect fit, too. The Visualization and Painting hours with them was interesting; and, hopefully, it helped.

Last year, I planned a meditation at the old Alta Luna Gallery (now closed) to visualize ourselves traveling through a painting each month, but it never took off; maybe seen as hippy dippy, not sure. [i must add a recording system to my wish list, along with a video/still camera and art sales to fuel the completion of 365 Madonna Nights of painting.]

Worried about me, my sister said once that I set up unrealistic expectations, and maybe she is right. I like life that way, though. I think it is my way of forcing myself to do more stuff. I am not sure that I like it being so public; but I feel compelled to share everything. (TMI is my specialty).

Adding art to a daily calendar allows me to paint more. Adding prayer/worship/meditation to my calendar, allows me to give my spirit time and energy. Being unemployed — while ridiculously embarrassing and unexpected at this juncture — is something that has me assessing my life (never a bad thing, when coupled with action). If I start to sell these paintings, this CAN be a living, so perhaps that will be the silver lining in this meager financial picture. A big dream? Yes. Will the world embrace it? Maybe; maybe not.

Plans go awry and maybe they should. I had a great day that included quality time with mom and my dog, a doctor visit (hallelujah), dinner with an old friend (a friendship that survives starts and stops; and her new friend/now my friend). And my very last stop, after a text from my guy buds, even allowed me to fit in a fun game of darts and sharing the paintings with youngins — evangelism of sorts at the Wing Wednesday minus the wings (I’d eaten).

Last but not least, a Consecration Prayer to Mary:

Hail, White Lily of the ever peaceful and glorious Trinity! Hail Vermilion Rose, the Delight of Heaven, of whom, the King of Heaven was born, and by whose milk He was nourished! Do thou forever feed our souls by the effusions of your divine influences.
Amen.

Off to paint and to buy fish for dinner.

Day 6 – “Holding On” (for dear life) 1.6.2014

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Day 6 – Holding On_Acrylic on Masonite board

Thankfully, my studio is a warm and inviting oasis on this rainy slushy, warmish but damp, dreary day in RI.

After a busy day of Mom-related errands on her only chance to go outside without ice this week, with job search work, Chamber of Commerce sales calls, time spent sorting through old paint tubes, and organizing my studio a bit, I finally settled in to paint this painting. I chose a VERY “sunny” palette today, probably to counter the dreariness of the day and youthful (to me). Brightness and cheery yellow is so NOT what the sky offers New Englanders this week, with the sun socked away behind rain clouds. I once wrote in a poem that “I want to shine before the final coat of varnish is applied” (referring, back then to my hormonal urges of the early 40’s, of course) and am reminded of that by these lively colors.

I painted this without a plan, as I always do. I like the playful colors, the graceful femininity of the mother, and the trace of a worried expression on her face. While I positioned the child in her arms, it brought back memories of my own children and the various ways a mother holds onto a squirmy child. Holding babies, my own, even when squirmy, is what I consider to be the best role I ever had (an odd choice of words, but they don’t give out manuals, so I played the part as best as I could). Was I a natural? Yes, in some ways, and in others I was challenged and am still, apparently (A is for ANXIOUS in my world, even when bad news comes by phone).

I was not exactly calm a lot of the time; much the opposite, I was high-strung and always worried that they would get hurt. One thing I was not, also, was strict or well-disciplined in keeping rules for them (I found them funny or was a total pushover when nagged) so our house was a fun house, too. We always had a lot of neighborhood children around, sometimes checking my fridge for snacks before my daughter made it off the bus (I could never understand the audacity of that one). Both of them were active and both had wild moments, like the baby I painted here –“Squirmy worms”.

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Maria Carolina d’Oliveira

When I painted the Blessed Mother’s hand (at center), I remembered my mother’s “vice grip” fingers that could hold our little fingers very still when we were getting our nails clipped my mother wasn’t tough in any other way, incidentally; she rarely got mad and her only corporal punishment was the threat of the wooden spoon; and we were all twice her size, so we giggled when she took it out, knowing it wouldn’t be painful if she ever used it.

I also saw that it really looked like the hand of my maternal grandmother, Maria Carolina d’Oliveira, who had a shrine of roses on her bureau for her “Santinos” and the Blessed Virgin.  She was a lovely woman with long, soft, beautiful hands and she prayed non-stop with her rosary beads in hand much of the time. I inherited both sets of hands, I think, as well as my Vovo’s sharp wit and the ability to make a face that spoke a thousand words (both a blessing and curse). She used to call the elderly folks in her complex “Sheep” for their white hair… when she was 95 (and colored her hair until she was 96) and she could look disgusted with a person in a way (with the tilt of her head) that could make me cringe.

Some favorite memories of “Holding on” to sometimes squirmy babies:the kids in the front yard

My daughter Addy was always a sweet, cuddly baby, fairly calm, mostly well-behaved with a (very) quick wit and wild sense of humor.  My youngest, she loved bath time and would race around the house after with undies on her head to be silly (with her still contagious laugh). She could lob her baby bottle high over the pews/heads at church, got into occasional scuffles with the “naughty” boy in pre-K at “Mount Caramel” (Mt. Carmel), played hide and seek under clothing racks in department stores (with her brother in the lead;  scared me to death, and once refusing to play with a neighbor who was the same age but as she put it “Clearly a young three” (verbatim/best friends later).  She is still a perfect daughter — beautiful, hysterically funny, an amazing artist and friend to those lucky enough to have her, smart and squirmy.

My son, Peter, terrorized adults with his unruliness got away with it because he had “Tweety-bird” eyes, and could wriggle out of any situation with break-neck speed to get to where HE wanted to be (he is still very direct and walks his own path well). He could outrun ANY adult to the dock at my folks’ (not funny), could breakaway to random neighbors’ doors to ring bells for popsicles (we made many a friend that way), or race to the church altar after communion when everyone was quietly praying. He acted out in church a lot: He’d also remove his pacifier to cry out (AUDIBLY WELL for age 2) a 4-letter word that starts with S and ends in T — during peaceful moments in mass (bobbing heads and gasps resulted). Raising children was stressful for me, honestly, and I was a screamer (and high-pitched at that), with my heart in my throat half of the time. He is and always will be a handful — alpha in every way, a totally unique, wise, music-making, loving son and father to my granddaughter.

kids in front yard

For all my worrying, they had few calamities as youngsters (these come to mind): Addy broke her wrist at the bus stop from a fall off an icy boulder — then sprained her arm after shoeless ballerina twirling on the kitchen island (in leotards); and Pete stepped on a nail once that went all the way through and didn’t hit anything major; and broke his finger (at two) by throwing a brick up in the air to have it fall on his own hand. Most of the damage was to other things.

I recall “Miss Mouse’s” unintentional Barbie Car mishap during which it (the car) sped out of control and hit the cellar wall, leaving the hamster a goner after he was thrown from the vehicle (lots of crying neighbor kids; funeral procession/backyard gravesite). I recall her very brief “dachshund painting” phase, too, with a stencil I helped make (me: what a neat project/so glad to help) that she used on the sidewalk(!); and most shocking at the time, her intentional nose piercing and tattoos (she wears them well). She rarely got into trouble.

Pete, on the other hand, did off the charts damage to things like painting his entire bedroom carpet black while we were trying to sell the house, spray painting the Christmas tree and all of our heirloom ornaments gold, and (at age 3 or 4) spraying the garden hose into the family room window for five minutes or so (he had been in the sand box when I left to see his cousins shoot hoops in the front yard) leaving the carpet ruined, the plaster falling off the walls, electrical appliances became shock hazards, the pull-out couch very absorbent. Dumping a bucket of water off the deck and onto the play date and mother that were coming to play in the sandbox on a beautiful summer day was memorable, too. He was into water!
photo cabinet collage of the kids
I may sound like I am complaining but I’m not. They are my children and I am as proud of their disobedience (when they are on their missions) as I am of their conformity (when it makes sense). I love shock value, anyway, (no surprise, to those who know me) and am just now (too tired, frankly) growing out of that. I am so relieved that they made it through, alive and well — and have grown up! Of course, I’d go back in time in a minute!

Living in my home town makes sense for now with my mom being 86 and before when my dad was sick (before he passed); and, while I am often envious of my ex, I am thankful that my children have their father near them (in Chapel Hill). I know that they are God’s, too, and I do believe that our parenting doesn’t always come from blood relatives. Friends, step-family, extended relatives, fathers, strangers — you name it; they’ve been there for me, so I am sure they are there for my children when I am not. That isn’t to say that I had (or have) an easy time with separation. I still worry and its sad, really, as they aren’t part of my physical world often; but Love is not lacking in either direction, a help.

“HOLDING ON” — holding onto babies, onto jobs, onto God, onto my best self, my sanity, my self-control, onto money (job search) holding onto sanity, friends in ne???????????????????????ed, someone who gives you a hand when you need it; whatever it is, we have to do it when its something important to us. There is a time for letting go, too, I guess. I’m not ready to let go of the Madonna theme. Maybe 2014 will be the year, not sure.

 
“First Night” oil on canvas

Wow, I went on and on again.  This last photo is the first Madonna I ever painted, “First Night”.